KINK/BDSM DICTIONARY, TERMINOLOGY, AND LINGO.

A

Abduction Play A scenario where the bottom is forcibly restrained and often taken to another location for further play

Abrasion Play Using something rough like sandpaper or a brush to provide stimulation

Aftercare When a scene is over, aftercare is the emotional and physical care that’s administered, usually by a top that is used to prevent more intense emotional aftereffects. Proper aftercare may be used to prevent a drop.

Age Play When one person takes on an older role and one person takes on a younger role, such as a father-daughter scenario.

Algolagnia Deriving sexual pleasure from the application of pain to an erogenous zone

Anal Hook A hook that is placed in the anus and used for control

Anal Torture Inflicting pain in the anus

Anal Training Inserting progressively larger objects (usually butt plugs) in order to stretch the anal sphincter in preparation for activities such as anal fisting

Anime A style of animated cartoon developed in Japan in which some people find a fetish dressing up or having sex with a partner who is dressed as an Anime character

Androgyny Showing characteristics of both sexes

Animal PlayKink where one partner, usually the submissive pretends to be an animal often at the amusement, training, grooming, and affection of the Dominant

Bagging Suffocation using a bag over someone’s head as a turn on

Ball Busting The act of inflicting intense pain to a man’s genitals, either by kicking, punching, slapping, caning, etc for his pleasure

Balls Out Risky Kink (BORK) permissive and exceptionally risky sexual behaviors. Differs from typical edge play in that this type of play can have catastrophic results even with proper equipment maintenance and techniques, there is still a major risk present.

BastinadoImpact play involving the soles of the feet

BestialityHaving sex with an animal

BDSM Bondage Discipline Sadism MasochismAn umbrella term used to describe a sexual practice that involves the use of physical control, psychological power, or pain. It typically includes the components of bondage and discipline, domination and submission, or sadism or masochism.

Bit A style of mouth gag that is cylindrical

Blackbooting Using a shoe heel as an anal dildo

Bladder/Bowel ControlRequiring the submissive to ask for permission before toileting, even training the submissive to be able to eliminate in the Dominants presence or while being fondled, used to foster the sub’s trust and acceptance of the Dom in the most intimate aspects fo the sub’s life

Blood Play Drawing of blood during play

Bondage Acts Involving the physical restraint of a partner

Bondage and Discipline A type of BDSM practice that incorporates bondage (tying, binding, or restraining someone) and discipline (punishing a submissive partner when they break a rule).

Bottom The person in a scene who follows the orders and receives the sensations.

Bottom Drop A sub sometimes falls into a brief depression after an intense scene, they made themselves vulnerable during the scene and feel lonely when the scene ends

Brat A submissive who is deliberately uncooperative, topping from the bottom, pretending to be young, for the purpose of eliciting attention and/or punishment from their Dom/Domme

Breath Play A form of play when one participant controls the breath of the other. This may include choking or asphyxiation

Breeding This usually means having unprotected sex to ejaculation, often includes a breeding fantasy where the role play involves being impregnated

Brown Shower see scat

BTS Behind The Scenes. Typically an image captured or the activities going on in real life that isn’t captured in a staged photo or video shoot

Bull In a cuckholding scene, the other man who is invited to have sex with the wife

Bull Whip A type of singletail consisting of a woven or braided leather whip, usually longer than 4’ with a short rigid handle

Bukkake Japanese term for a woman being showered by sperm

Bunny Primarily someone who bottoms in a rope scene

Butt Plug Like a dildo but shaped slightly different, with a flared base to prevent it from entirely entering the rectum

Butch Usually a woman, sometimes gay, who embraces and empowers the masculine energy within themselves

Camming Sex via the internet, with the use of webcams to view either or both directions

Cane A thin rod used from striking commonly made of hardwood bamboo or acrylic

Cat O’Nine Tails Whip with nine tails or lashes

CBT Cock and ball torture, the act of inflicting pain and torture to a guys’ genitals through many different techniques, slapping, kicking, punching, squeezing, smacking, with needles, impact, hot sauce, electricity, and more

Chastity A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial where a person is prevented access to or stimulation of their genitals sometimes by the use of a chastity belt

Chemical Play Using chemicals to produce sensation – such as tiger balm, menthol, rubbing alcohol, toothpaste, wintergreen oil, Tabasco sauce, ginger, peppermint

Cis gendered This word originates from the Latin-derived prefix cis, meaning “to this the near side” a girly girl or a manly man, CIS means naturally born or given gender. A male who was born with male genitals, a woman who was born with female identified genitals

Clover Clamp A specific type of nipple clamp with a level mechanism to which a chain is affixed in such a way that pulling increases pressure on the clamp

Cock Milking The practice of forcing a male to discharge semen through the penis through prostrate massage without experiencing a pleasurable orgasm. This can be done in domination humiliation play to arouse, frustrate or humiliate a submissive

Cock Ring A device put around the penis to keep an erection

Collar A symbol used to represent a submissive or slave is owned. Can be an actual collar but can also be an anklet, bracelet, or anything the couple decides on

Collared A sub who has committed to being owned by one particular Master or Dom / Domme

Compersion The opposite of jealousy, when someone is pleased to see their lover getting sexual pleasure from someone else

Consent Agreeing to certain acts in a BDSM scene or relationship. Practitioners believe that consent is what separates BDSM from assault.

Consent/Nonconsent A sex act that implies rape. One partner is ‘consenting’ to act out a scene of ‘nonconsent’ aka rape

Contract An arrangement that outlines the rules and structures of a BDSM relationship. It may be written or oral.

Corporal Punishment Punishment involving pain, often through impact, as a means to discipline

Creampie Visuals of male ejaculate dripping, squeezed or overflowing from the vagina or ass hole in which it was ejaculated

Crop A think flexible tool used for striking, sometimes made from bamboo, wood or acrylic

Cruise Party A party set up with the purpose of bringing people together who may be interested in hooking up with someone for play

Cuckhold A man who enjoys watching another man/men have sex with his wife for submissive and erotic humiliation reasons

Cuck Queen The female role who has sex with other men while her partner watches for the means of control and humiliation

D/S D refers to Domination in a Dominant/submissive relationship. The Dominant is usually capitalized while the submissive/sub is kept lowercase to signify the erotic power exchange in the relationship

Dollification Turning into a living dol, often as a desire to be owned, as in Owner/doll which is similar to Master/slave or Dom/sub. This inclused physical traits of stiletto heels, rubber suites, dresses, makeup, etc and metnal traits such as objectification and subservience

Dom Drop / Top Drop The tops equivalent of sub drop, an emotional condition caused by the drop of adrenaline after a BDSM play scene, it can manifest in a variety of emotional responses include anger or depression

Daddy Dom A Dom who assumes the role of being more sweet and nurturing and may engage in age play with the submissive

Dom A dominant who is male.

Domestic Often applied to a submissive who serves in the home cleaning cooking and running the household, this may or may not involve sexual activity

Domina A dominant who is female and embraces a feminine gender role

Dominatrix A woman who is the dominant who can be a professional for pay, or may live the lifestyle, or engage in BDSM activities

Dominance and submission (D/s) A term for the behaviors or rituals that a submissive person follows in a BDSM relationship. In D/s, one person usually has power over another.

Dominant A person who has the authority in a BDSM relationship or scene.

Domme A female dominant

Drop The physical or emotional exhaustion that takes place after a scene. Both tops and bottoms may experience a drop. Crying, feeling sad, and physical shaking are all signs of a drop.

Dungeon A location where BDSM play takes place (usually in a person’s home or at a club).

Dungeon Monitor A person (or group of people) who supervises BDSM activities at a club or play party to make sure the acts are safe and consensual.

Edging Bringing someone close to the edge of having an orgasm and then sometimes denying the orgasm

Edge Play BDSM acts that are considered more intense or dangerous. Everyone’s level on the spectrum of BDSM activities is different, but edge play can involve a chance of real physical harm, such as breath play, blood, knives, rope.

Electro Kink play that involves electrically-charged objects such as violet wants, stun guns, cattle prods

Exhibitionism Exposing oneself or their genitals or engaging in sex acts while others watch

Face Sitting When the Dominant sits on the submissive’s face as part of D/s play

Failsafe A ‘just in case’ arrangement that allows the bottom to escape from bondage in case of emergency

Female Dominance When a woman takes the dominant role in a BDSM relationship or scene.

Female Submission BDSM activity in which a woman submits to a sexual partner.

Femme A female bodied gay woman who carries very feminine energy and can be mistaken for a straight woman as she wears feminine clothing and makeup

Fetish An obsession with a specific experience, body part, or object that becomes one of sexual association

Fetish Wear The clothing worn by those who practice BDSM (usually leather attire or other role-playing costumes).  

Figging Inserting a prepared ‘finger’ of ginger root into the anus, the burning sensations is said to bring intense pleasure

Financial Domination This involves a Domme having control over a sub’s finances and spending

Fire and Ice Play alternating between hot wax and ice or ice water

Fire Play Play involving the use of flammable liquids to create quick, fleeting contacts of flame on the skin

Foot Fetish Having an erotic attraction for feet, worshiping the foot, kissing it, smelling, massaging, licking, sucking, getting stepped on, etc

Forced Orgasm An orgasm that is induced on a person against their will

Furry One who assumes an animal character in play, sometimes with a costume

Gag Any device or object placed in the mouth to prevent a person from speaking or making loud noises and sometimes to hold the mouth open

Gates of Hell Male chastity device usually made of leather or rubber and used to enclose or restrict the penis and testicles

Gender Play A type of BDSM play when an individual in a scene takes on the role of the opposite gender.

Gimp A body suit often with a face covering, sometimes with genital openings made of plastic, pvc or leather often used for humiliation or predicament

Glory Hole A hole cut into a wall or partition in which the penis is inserted in order to receive oral sex or masturbation from an anonymous person on the other side  

Golden Showers Showering a partner with piss.

Grandmother rule Generally applies to vanilla spaces such as public areas in a hotel where a BDSM event is being held, or heading to a play party at someone’s house, your appearance and conduct should be that if you happened to bump into your grandmother she wouldn’t be shocked

Greek Anal sex

Gunplay Using actual or simulate firearms in a scene

Hair Bondage Technique where the hair is secured in a way as to limit mobility of the head and also done for the sensation it gives

Hard Limits An activity or sexual act that is off-limits

Hedonistic Pursuit of the pleasures

Heteroflexible A person who identifies as primarily heterosexual but can occasionally find the same sex appealing

Homoflexible A person who identifies as primarily homosexual but can occasionally find the opposite sex appealing

Horse A piece of bondage furniture consisting of a plank supported by two legs on each end where a person may be bent or tied over and flogged or spanked

Houseboy A submissive who keeps the house clean and may just be a sexual plaything whenever the Dominant wanted

Human Furniture Play where the submissive is directed to assume the role of furniture such as a footstool or table

Humiliation This involves a sub agreeing to demeaning situations, verbal insults, servitude, cross dressing, and other activities meant to demean and embarrass the sub by their Dom/Domme

Hypno PlayKink play where a Dom hypnotizes a sub in order to make them believe they are bonded

Impact Play A type of BDSM play that involves striking the body. This can be done with whips, canes, paddles, a hand, flogger, riding crop, or other instrument

Interrogation Play A play scene that includes cross examination or torture

Japanese Bondage A more common term is Shibari, where one partner ties the other in beautiful and intricate patterns of rope as a method of restraint but can also be an art form

Kink Nonconventional sexual practices. BDSM is often referred to as kink.

Knife Play This involves using a knife blade to either psychologically induce an adrenaline rush by gliding a knife across the body, or with actual cutting. Considered a form of edge play

Master The person who has control over a slave in a consensual master-slave relationship.

Male Dominance BDSM acts when the dominant partner is a man, also called maledom.

Male Submission BDSM activities when the submissive participant is a man, also referred to as malesub

Masochist An individual who likes or becomes sexually gratified by their own pain or humiliation.

Mentor A trusted guide or coach

Mummification Immobilizing the body by wrapping it up usually with layers of food film or shrink wrap that creates a feeling of total body helplessness and sometimes used as sensory deprivation

Munch An informal meeting or party, often at a public place, where people interested in BDSM can mingle and socialize

Needle Play This involves using needles on a partner, involves sticking a needle (temporarily) through a body part or erogenous zone

Negotiation Prior to the commencement of a scene people talk outside their roles, limits, preferences, and can be a fun fantasy filled conversation. Some draw up contracts

Objectification The subject is dehumanized, treated as an animal, slave, furniture, toy, etc

Omnisexual Being strongly attracted to or aroused by both sexes

Orgasm Denial The dominant partner will bring the submissive close to the brink of orgasm and then back off

Owned When a submissive or slave who is the consensual partner of a Master or Owner, usually in a long-term relationship

Painslut A submissive who craves pain

Pansexual Someone who is attracted to all genders and open to sex with people who identify with any orientation

Pearl Necklace When a man ejaculates onto the neck and the drops resemble pearls

Pegging The practice of using a strap on dildo for penetration and usually applied from a female to a male anal act. Sitting on a peg like butt plug with the intent of stretching the anus to facilitate anal sex

Pet Play A submissive is treated like a loved pet, ie puppy or pony

Play A term used to describe the BDSM acts themselves.

Play Party A social gathering where guests can engage in BDSM activity

Player A person who has multiple relationships with multiple people, in the swingers community it is a person who is a participant in the swinging community, in the BDSM community is it someone who is currently participating in a scene at a play party

Plushie One who plays with stuffed / plush animals, may or may not be a sexual act

Polyamory (Poly) This is considered responsible non-monogamy, where there is a loving, stable and open long term emotional and sexual relationships among more than two people. These are often committed relationships and on-going, sometimes all partners know about all the others and agree to new participants who join their partnership, while other arrangements do not require all participants to be in agreed upon relationships with the other members

Polysexual Gaving sex with multiple partners without commitment, often done in group parties or orgies

POV An adult film acronym for point of view where the star is interacting with the viewer by looking directly into the camera

Power Exchange A situation where two or more people consensually and voluntarily agree to assume authority and yield authority over another

Predicament Bondage A type of bondage where the intent is to place the bound person in an awkward, difficult, inconvenient or uncomfortable situation

Pro Domme/Pro Dom A professional top and dominant who dominates and provides service in exchange for pay, may or may not be sexual

Protocol A rule or rules that people practicing BDSM agree to follow.

Puppy A sub who acts like a puppy for the amusement of their Dom/Domme

Pony Play Where the submissive takes on the role of a horse, some are into dressage, being paraded around on show, grooming, etc

Queening When a woman (the queen you must worship) shits on your face, another term for face-sitting, often used in D/s play

RACK Risk Aware Consensual Kink which are BDSM community guidelines on how to make sure everyone is aware of the dangers they consent to

Rape Sexual activity that often ends in sexual intercourse without the consent of all participants and chiefly by force or deception. In the BDSM subculture this is often acted out in a rape fantasy roleplay

Rimming Licking or inserting the tongue into another’s anus

Ring gag A type of gag consisting of a metal ring which is then placed into the mouth as a way to hold it open

Role Play When one or more people take on a different identity during a scene to fulfill a desire or fantasy. Examples may include teacher-student, doctor-patient, or boss-employee role plays.

Roman showers Vomiting on another person

Rope Bunny A demo model or bottom in a rope scene such as shibari

Sadism and Masochism This subset of BDSM involves inflicting pain or humiliation for the purpose of pleasure or sexual gratification.

Sadist A person who enjoys or becomes sexually aroused by inflicting pain or humiliation on someone else.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) This phrase describes what the BDSM community considers ethical behavior. Kink enthusiasts stress that activities must always be safe, sane, and consensual.

Safe Word An agreed upon word or phrase that a bottom, sub, or slave can say during a scene to stop the activity or session immediately. Some common safe words are “red,” “red light,” “pineapple,” “banana,” or “mercy”. “Stop” is not a common safe word.

S.A.M. In Gay male subculture this stands for “Stand and Model” posing in leather usually ata. Leather bar. In the scene, this stands for “Smart Ass Masochist” or “brat”  who is deliberately disobedient and disrespectful to their dominant to provoke punishment

Safe Call A prearranged call to let a friend know you are okay especially in first meeting situations

Sapiosexuality The attraction or arousal by intelligence

Scat Play involving defecation, crap, poop, shit

Scene A designated time frame where the BDSM activities or encounters occur. This can be structured with protocols and take place in dungeon or club, or at someone’s house, a hotel, or other designated location.

Sensory Deprivation Using various objects such as blindfolds, ear plugs, etc to deprive the subject of one or more senses, may be used to enhance other senses such as touch or create insecurity and often used in pushing limits or fostering increased trust

Sensual Dom A Dom that is more sweet and nurturing

Service-Oriented A person who gains pleasure from and enjoys performing services, may be sexual or nonsexual, BDSM related or not

Service Top A top who is focused more on giving the bottom what they desire over their own pleasure and interest

Sex Magick A sex act done as part of a ritual with a non-sexual purpose

Session A date/meeting/play time otherwise known as a scene but generally less structured.

Shibari A western name for Kinbaku, a type of bondage originating in Japan and characterized by extremely elaborate and intricate patterns of rope, often uset to restrain the subject and to stimulate the subject by compressing the breasts or genitals, the aesthetics are considered to be very important

Singletail A whip that has a single lash and require skill and training to use properly

Sissy A male sub who uses feminization and dressing as a girl to reach a different emotional or mental state

Slave A person who gives up control of one or more parts of their life to a master.

Snakewhip A small singletail whip that does not have the rigid handle of a bull whip and also has a cracker attached to a fall

Snowballing The act of kissing another with a mouth full of cum and transferring it to them

Soft Limits An activity limit which is more flexible than a hard limit. It might be an act that a person hesitates to perform or is scared to engage in, but may be willing to try.  

Sounding rods/sound A rod usually made of metal, sometimes beaded, meant for insertion into the urinary passage and sometimes comes in graduates sizes. Used for expanding and stretching the urethra

Spotter A person who monitors the safety of the submissive in a scene, most commonly used for complex bondage and suspension scenes

SSC This stands for keeping activities Safe Sane and Consensual, which the BDSM community stresses in making sure that everyone feels happy and fulfilled in only experiencing the pain and activities they desire with actual and long lasting harm

Sub Drop An emotional condition following intense BDSM play that may involve a variety of emotions from sadness and clinginess to anger, can happen immediately after play or hours after play and can often be prevented by immediate aftercare from a session

Submissive / Sub Someone who submits to a dominant person in a BDSM relationship or scene. Submissive can be shortened to sub. The submissive sets their boundaries and everything is pre-negotiated

Subspace A dream like or trance like state of peace that may be accompanied by feelings of security, safety and floating thoughts which a submissive can feel while they are engaged in a BDSM scene

Swinging Non monogamous recreational sex with the consent, knowledge and often reciprocal participation of one’s partner. This often does not include a romantic relationship with the swinging partner and can be just one night, at a swinging party, event, or otherwise one off act

Switch A person who will assume either role of a top and or a bottom in a BDSM scene.

Tease and Denial Keeping another person aroused to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension or heightened sensitivity

TENS Unit A device that applies electrical currents through pads affixed to the skin, often used in the medical community to relieve pain by blocking impulses through the nerves. Stands for Transconductance Electrical Nerve Stimulation

Toilet A bottom who wishes to be used for toilet-related activities

Top The person who performs the BDSM acts in a scene.

Topping From the Bottom When a bottom tries to control a scene even though it was agreed that the top would be in charge.

Total Power Exchange (TPE) A relationship where a sub grants full and complete control, authority and decision making power to their Dom/Domme, the most extreme form of 24/7

Transgendered Having a gender that does not match ones born with genitalia. Binary gender system that may include surgical, hormonal, or nonhormonal changes that result in a gender identity different from the one assigned at birth

Transexual A person who has strong desires to become the opposite of their birth sex, may undergo chemical treatments or surgery to change their appearance

Transvestite A person who behaves or dresses in a manner generally associated with the opposite sex – not necessarily an indication of their sexual partner preference

Tribadism, tribbing An act of two women rubbing their vulvas together (slang for scissoring, clit-clattering, clam jousting, touchin tacos, mashin cookies, bumpin donuts, gash mashing)

Trick The person one hooks up with for sex or play, sort of like a fuck buddy who probably isn’t a long term partner

Troll A person who uses online resources primarily as a source for prospective partners, may pretend they are experienced in BDSM when they are not

24 – 7 A D/s relationship where the dominant partner controls nearly all aspects of a submissive partner’s life, according to terms negotiated in advance and can involve a contract based on agreed upon details

Unicorn the elusive bi-female who is willing to join a couple for the MFF threesome

Vanilla Used by people in the BDSM community to label sexual behavior that doesn’t involve kink.

Violet Wand A device used for electrical play that contains a high-voltage coil and several interchangeable electrodes most commonly made of glass and filled with a glass that glows a brilliant color and causes a static electricity discharge that can be intense and used to stimulate another often in a painful sense

Voyeurism A voyeur is someone who enjoys watching others have sex or undress or perform an act that gets them off. Sort of like a peeping tom,

Wartenberg Wheel A little metal pinwheel lined with spikes that can be run over a partners erogenous zones for stimulation

Watersports Play that involves urination, also referred to as golden shower

Wax Play When the top drips hot wax onto the bottom

White Knight A dominant who desires to rescue damsels in distress, submissives who may have unmet emotional needs from childhood, relationships or rape

Yoni A Hindu term used for the vagina

Zentai A socially popular subculture derivative from Japan – Zentai is a skintight stretchy full body suit often made from nylon or spandex, that covers everything. Zentai means different things to different people – for some it is anonymity, for others, it means liberation from judgment. Wearing the Zentai suit takes away or diminishes the senses at the same time it warps them, since touch, sight, smell, is hampered, emotions become heightened. Often worn for events, grinding parties, in dance, or cosplay, they heighten the fetish, kink and bondage experience

Zipper An arrangement of clothespins or spring clamps tied along a length of cord which is placed on the body and then yanked off